Losing a job you enjoyed is hard enough without the pressure of having to try to find a replacement as a mom during a pandemic.
Research conducted last year found that three million South Africans lost their jobs due to the pandemic and lockdown. Two million of them were women.
Like many mothers, I was retrenched in 2020. I am fortunate that I have a husband who has a job, not all mothers have been as lucky. It's heartbreaking. But this post is not about the financial implications of job loss - it's more about the emotional implications of job loss moms feel even when putting food on the table is not an issue.
Initially, I took retrenchment well. I needed a break and it meant that I could keep my kid at home (and not that deal with the anxiety of sending him to playschool during a pandemic).
What I didn’t know is how long that break would be. Almost a year into being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) in a pandemic, homeschooling my only child, and it’s not much of a break.
Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to have this time with my son and that we've managed to stay healthy, but it seems like many people are pivoting and launching new businesses, while I’m trying to pronounce dinosaur names and tackling the never-ending laundry.
While I'm trying to find my way as a SAHM, here are three things that are helping me maintain a little balance in this season of motherhood. If you’re in a similar season, they might help you too...
1. Do something you love and see it progress
Without work deadlines to meet, it’s hard to feel a sense of progress as a SAHM.
Getting through the household chores and all the busy work of a SAHM doesn't feel quite the same as success at work. So start something you can see progress – something you’ll enjoy doing. It could be sewing, knitting, drawing and painting, photography, gardening or starting a blog.
If you don’t have a hobby, try something new. It helps to think about what you loved doing as a kid. If you loved dancing, you could follow online lessons or join a virtual class once a week.
If you’re struggling to find your ‘next move,’ a hobby might lead you there. For example, after rekindling your love of dance, you might decide to become a Zumba instructor.
I’ve been working on this blog and my art. Blogging is a way to improve my writing and art is my mediation. Ideally, I’d love to monetise the blog and sell my art, but I’m also happy to keep them as stress-busting hobbies.
2. Get out of the social media comparison trap
We know studies have linked the length of time people spend scrolling social media to depression, and yet it’s hard to stop.
It’s designed to be addictive (have you watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix?), but if it’s leaving you feeling low, it’s time to take a break.
Scrolling Instagram is one of my guilty pleasures, but viewing everyone’s highlight reel can be a real bummer when you’re dealing with job loss and have lost a bit of your self-confidence.
If you can’t take a social media break, because you’re building a business or a following for a future business, at least set a daily time limit for social media and aim to create more than you consume. Don’t let social media comparison steal your joy.
3. Find encouragement where and when you can
Pre-pandemic, the best way to have a decent conversation with another mom was during a play date, while kids were happily playing.
That doesn’t happen too often now because I don’t want my child playing closely with children who are unmasked (and around here, most of the kids under 6 years old don’t wear masks. I’d love to call up a friend and chat, but finding the perfect time to do this is hard. If my kid is in earshot he’d want to join the conversation and if I wait till he’s asleep, I’m too tired to string together a sentence.
So, in absence of regular encouraging conversations with friends, I listen to encouraging podcasts. I try to listen to a podcast while my son has an independent play session and I’m doing something tedious like emptying and packing the dishwasher. I’ve gotten great advice on parenting, starting a business as a mom and making art – you name, there is an encouraging podcast to find on the subject.
I’m still processing job loss, trying to find a rhythm as a SAHM mom, and coming up with something I can do to earn an income. It doesn’t seem to be a quick and easy journey for me. Sometimes I think I should have done more by now. But then I remind myself that we are living through a pandemic that is making life harder, more unpredictable and downright scary sometimes for everyone in different ways.
Although there's so much out of our control right now, we are able to count our blessings, celebrate the small wins and give ourselves a little more grace.
Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie
P.S. You might like to read How do you find me-time as a mother?
No comments:
Post a Comment